Automatic

They say if you want to move forward you should never really look back, but I have been feeling very nostalgic these past few weeks. There are so many things that I just literally miss how they used to be. I miss how holidays used to be, I miss how people used to be, I just miss how everything used to be. 

There is a new song by my favorite gal Miranda Lambert that is titled Automatic. It hit home so hard because she sings about how everything was so much better before the world became automatic. It's so true though! No one really talks anymore, it's all texting and emailing. I'm just as guilty as the next, but I'm not going to lie, growing up having to walk 5 blocks to your best friend's house to talk about the latest and greatest had it's advantages. Kids just don't do that anymore. It's all snapchat this, and Instagram that. I probably sound like I'm about 80 years old writing this, but in my thirty some years on this earth I've noticed a huge difference in people and it's not all that great...

For example, when I was in the Target parking lot the other day, I almost pulled out in front of this little old lady driving a "little old lady car." I slammed on the breaks as did she, but she waved me right ahead. As we passed each other we smiled and waived. Not even 15 seconds later this 20 something airhead with a huge SUV cuts me off flying in to the place -doesn't even look back. It just goes to show that people are different now and it sucks.

I know I was raised different. It's apparent to me every single day, but it's very discouraging to raise a child in the way the world is today. How do you explain school shootings? How do you explain teenage suscide? How do you teach a child that it doesn't matter what others think of them and there is no reason to sercome to peer pressure? You can talk and lecture them until you're blue in the face, but the bottom line is it's a terrifying world out there, a world I never had to deal with growing up.

A part of me feels as though I was sheltered. There were bad things going on around me, but it's like I was in a bubble; and that bubble was private (Catholic) school. I truly didn't even know what a "blunt" was until I over heard from a kid I didn't even know my freshman year of high school. The best part of all was I came home from school that afternoon and asked my mom what it meant! I am grateful for my upbringing more than anything, and in the hopes that I am able to raise my daughter the same way, I hope she'll appreciate it too.

http://youtu.be/2ksWKOy665o

Until we meet again.

Rekindling the flame.

When I get behind the wheel and crank the music until my speakers rattle, it usually means that I need to think. The other night was one of those nights. As much as I had on my mind, there was a particular song that came on that caused my focus to shift elsewhere.

The song was about how people get married and loose their spark. Things become same ole same ole and they forget what made them fall in love in the first place. Hearing this song reminded me of a few things. The first thing was when I was back in college and I spent roughly five months doing research on the topic of why people choose the ones they do as partners in life. Whether it is life long partnership, or just someone they date for a few short months- what attracts us to certain people but not to others? Is it really all about physical appearance at first? What happens when you are not physically attracted to someone but you fall head over heels for who the person is? 

I chose this topic to research because of my personal experiences in life. Just as one example, there was someone from my past who I thought I was head over heels in love with; looking back it wasn’t anything of the sort. He was everything I thought I was looking for in a person, but there were pieces of the puzzle missing; we were two very different people. I loved spending time with him, but as time passed we grew further apart. Was it because of our differences? Maybe. But this is the point where a lot of my curiosities peeked on the topic. I think it is safe to say we all have someone from our past that we grew apart from, or just drifted away from for no specific reason; but doesn’t it seem odd that once you are so close to someone (significant other or even just a friend) that it just goes away? I often wonder if the feelings really ever go away or if people change emotionally or physically and that is what renders the change. What was once there is never really gone, is it?

I was only given a semester to come up with answers when I wish I would have had years to research. Overall, it was found that in the small population of people I polled, most look for a mate who is close in proximity (age and location), and people also tend to look for a mate with similar interests and lifestyles as their own.

I somewhat disagree with my own findings. In my opinion and experiences, opposites generally attract. I strongly believe that the best relationships are the ones that balance each other. If one person is more boisterous and outgoing, they tend to pair well with someone who is a little more reserved. What one person lacks the other makes up for. I am not saying that a person who grew up on the streets smoking dope and running from the police would pair well with the valedictorian of Yale, but the little differences in a relationship keep things interesting.

I am not an expert by any means, and I’ve only been married for 6 years, but just drawing off personal experiences from the past and present, it is hard to make it work with someone who is too different or too much alike. Chances are, you will not see eye to eye on most things if you are too different (like the personal example I gave in the beginning) and if you are just alike, the relationship gets boring real fast and one or the other may loose interest. So, what do you do? Try your best to find a happy medium.

When you do find what you think is that happy medium, what makes it last? What keeps you wanting to lie in bed next to the same person every night and wake up to their nasty morning breath the next day? More than anything it is about balance. Your spouse is very much a part of your life, but they don’t need to be your entire life. When I was first married, you couldn’t get us apart. I hated to spend even one night away from him and I would avoid doing so at all costs. I realized years later that it is essential. Everyone needs a little brake. But again, it is about balance. If you are lucky enough to spend a great deal of time together, remember to take time for yourself, have weekend get a ways with friends, and just live life for yourself every now and again. On the flip side of that, if your schedules don’t allow you to spend an ample amount of time together, make time. If your husband is working until 11pm at night, stay up that extra hour until he gets home to talk about your day and listen to how his day was; make a point to catch up with each other everyday. Too much of something is never good, but sometimes lacking that specific something can be even worse. If effort isn’t there by both people in the marriage/relationship, it will suffer-point blank. Balance is key.

If you’ve been blessed enough to find love, how do you keep that fire burning past infatuation? What is a surefire way to keep love alive like you are newlyweds? The simple answer is, you can’t. You can’t keep the fire burning for 30 years straight; you can’t wake up every morning looking at the one you married feeling warm and fuzzy inside. There are going to be days you dislike each other, days that you need time apart, and days that you will wonder how you will get through it all. You can’t keep a fire burning for eternity literally or metaphorically, but you sure can rekindle that flame every now and again. Every couple can benefit from a little reminder of how things “used to be” and find ways to bring back feelings from the first couple dates. Marriages take work, but when you find the balance and have devotion to one another, it’s amazing how easily things tend to fall into place, and after awhile, you learn to love their nasty morning breath.

Until we meet again.