How did we get so old?!?

I don't remember exactly how it came up the other night, but Ferny and I were sitting in the living room and it occurred to me that he has a high school reunion coming up. I didn't really think much of it until I did the math. He graduated in 1995 and it's almost 2015 so that's, um...20 years!?! When did we get so old? Granted, he is 6 years older than I am, it was still surprising to realize how fast life is flying by and the changes that have come with it. I look back to who I was 10 years ago, and I would swear it wasn't even the same person.

Another realization of this fact is Sadie starting kindergarten. She is about a month into it and has been doing very well. Ever since I can remember, she has adjusted to new things very quickly and luckily this has been no exception. She has made a bunch of little friends, had a little bit of kindergarten drama, and has learned so much already. The only bummer is she has been pretty much constantly sick ever since the first week of school. It's obvious that when a bunch of little ones go back to school any germs present will spread like wildfire, but this has been just ridiculous. It makes me want to keep her home and do home school. Or, maybe just invest in a big plastic bubble. Kidding.

On a brighter note, she has been preparing for her next karate tournament. Since our move in July, we transferred her to the Woodbury Ultimate Martial Arts school and she loves her new instructors. The routine they are rehearsing is going to be tough as they are incorporating 3 different weapons. Having a half dozen 5 year olds running around with swords and nunchucks seems like recipe for disaster, but I'm sure it will turn out great or on the news, one of the two.

This past week feels like it has been the longest/shortest week ever. It started out not so great because I feel as though I backed myself into a corner and let someone down. I didn't trust in something that I should have and made a really stupid mistake; it was fixable, but still stupid. It's truly amazing how much can change after a good, long conversation with someone who cares. More often than not, I tend to keep things to myself even though I know expressing them is the better route to take. Things that I should talk out, I sometimes ignore or suppress and it gets me no where. I am getting better at it (kind of), but still have my moments. I just hate problems/drama/or anything related to ruffling of feathers or rocking the boat. I have always felt as though if I bring up something that could (in my eyes) be fixed or corrected, it's looked at as "oh great, what is she bit**ing about now." There are a handful of things in life that I take great pride in, and when my pride is jeopardized, it's sometimes hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Needless to say, the light has shone through as it always does, but it could have went a much different way. So, I'll end this extremely vague paragraph by stating that I'm just grateful. Things always fall into place the way that they are meant to be, and I know I am where I am meant to be.

The week ended very well though. Ferny and I scored some great seats for Garth Brooks! Not sure how we got so lucky, but we did. Garth has been on my musical bucket list since 1998, so I am super excited to belt out the lyrics to 'Friends In Low Places' with him from the 3rd row in November!

Last weekend, we took the kiddos to the Renaissance Festival. Here are few of the memories:

Until we meet again.

Using Protection

Over the course of the summer, we have had the opportunity to do a lot of fun things as a family; probably more so than ever before. As Sadie gets older, going out and about becomes much easier to do and much more enjoyable. However, being out and about has brought on some frustrations. Every where we go, whether it be Target, to a movie, or just out to dinner, people are constantly using such foul language!

No, I am not sitting over here thinking I am Mother Teresa by any means, but I'll tell you what, I have never used profanity in front of or directed at my child... well there was that one time in the car about a year ago in the middle of the winter when this guy literally walked right out in front of the hood of my car and I could barely stop, but still! It never bothered me when people would do it before I had a child. I would hear it as background noise and simply tune it out, but things change when little impressionable ears are listening.

I have spent the last five years of my life trying to protect her from every little thing I could possibly think of. From driving several hundred miles out of the way every week so she could be cared for by a loving/trusting family member instead of a day care center all the way to making grown men feel small when they accidentally drop the f-bomb when she is in ear-shot (I literally had a middle-aged man sit and apologize to me for five minutes straight when we took her to Wrigley Field this summer). I realize that I can't shelter and protect her from every little thing in life, but I feel as though people really need to clean it up a bit in public.

On a related note, my little (not-so-little) one is off to kindergarten next week. Based off of the previous rant, you can imagine how well I am dealing with it. She's so excited for it though. I pretend like I am sharing in her excitement, but in reality I wish I could keep her this small for the rest of time. I can't believe how fast the time actually went. I'm sure the fact that she is (and will be) my one and only makes me want to hold on even more, but I truly am looking forward to the next phase in her life.

Until we meet again.

My baby is 5!

This is something I did with my baby girl right after her 5th birthday but I just forgot to 'publish.' Oops. I did this with her last year around her birthday too. It's so fun to see the simularities and differences in her answers from last year to this year.

Annual Birthday Survey: Sadie – Age 5

favorite food: "Strawberries"

favorite sport: "The Vikings"

favorite show: "Austin and Ally" (Disney show)

If you could go on an airplane anywhere, where would you go: "the beach"

favorite color: "purple"

when you grow up what are you going to be: "a dress maker"

favorite song: "This Girl is on Fire" Alisha Keys

favorite book: "The Cat in the Hat"

3 words that describe you: "that I love, princess, and a grown-up."

When you were little, you used to: "play all the time."

Favorite time of year: "spending time with my family" (she got an awwwww, from me on this one!)

Favorite snack: "fruit snacks"

Favorite breakfast food: "waffles"

Yuckiest food: "carrots and celery"

My best friend: "Adeline and Jonathan"

Favorite toy: "toy purple necklace"

What is your favorite holiday: "halloween because it's scary, rawrrr!"

Favorite thing to do outside: "play in the sprinklers" 

Places I want to go: the "Airplane Park" (favorite playground in Lakeville)

People I miss: "Great Grandma"

Favorite restaurant: "Rockin Robin" (Red Robin)

Favorite pets: "Pumpkin" (Stephanie and Davis's dog)

What did you do on your birthday: "Chuck E. Cheese's" 

Automatic

They say if you want to move forward you should never really look back, but I have been feeling very nostalgic these past few weeks. There are so many things that I just literally miss how they used to be. I miss how holidays used to be, I miss how people used to be, I just miss how everything used to be. 

There is a new song by my favorite gal Miranda Lambert that is titled Automatic. It hit home so hard because she sings about how everything was so much better before the world became automatic. It's so true though! No one really talks anymore, it's all texting and emailing. I'm just as guilty as the next, but I'm not going to lie, growing up having to walk 5 blocks to your best friend's house to talk about the latest and greatest had it's advantages. Kids just don't do that anymore. It's all snapchat this, and Instagram that. I probably sound like I'm about 80 years old writing this, but in my thirty some years on this earth I've noticed a huge difference in people and it's not all that great...

For example, when I was in the Target parking lot the other day, I almost pulled out in front of this little old lady driving a "little old lady car." I slammed on the breaks as did she, but she waved me right ahead. As we passed each other we smiled and waived. Not even 15 seconds later this 20 something airhead with a huge SUV cuts me off flying in to the place -doesn't even look back. It just goes to show that people are different now and it sucks.

I know I was raised different. It's apparent to me every single day, but it's very discouraging to raise a child in the way the world is today. How do you explain school shootings? How do you explain teenage suscide? How do you teach a child that it doesn't matter what others think of them and there is no reason to sercome to peer pressure? You can talk and lecture them until you're blue in the face, but the bottom line is it's a terrifying world out there, a world I never had to deal with growing up.

A part of me feels as though I was sheltered. There were bad things going on around me, but it's like I was in a bubble; and that bubble was private (Catholic) school. I truly didn't even know what a "blunt" was until I over heard from a kid I didn't even know my freshman year of high school. The best part of all was I came home from school that afternoon and asked my mom what it meant! I am grateful for my upbringing more than anything, and in the hopes that I am able to raise my daughter the same way, I hope she'll appreciate it too.

http://youtu.be/2ksWKOy665o

Until we meet again.

Rekindling the flame.

When I get behind the wheel and crank the music until my speakers rattle, it usually means that I need to think. The other night was one of those nights. As much as I had on my mind, there was a particular song that came on that caused my focus to shift elsewhere.

The song was about how people get married and loose their spark. Things become same ole same ole and they forget what made them fall in love in the first place. Hearing this song reminded me of a few things. The first thing was when I was back in college and I spent roughly five months doing research on the topic of why people choose the ones they do as partners in life. Whether it is life long partnership, or just someone they date for a few short months- what attracts us to certain people but not to others? Is it really all about physical appearance at first? What happens when you are not physically attracted to someone but you fall head over heels for who the person is? 

I chose this topic to research because of my personal experiences in life. Just as one example, there was someone from my past who I thought I was head over heels in love with; looking back it wasn’t anything of the sort. He was everything I thought I was looking for in a person, but there were pieces of the puzzle missing; we were two very different people. I loved spending time with him, but as time passed we grew further apart. Was it because of our differences? Maybe. But this is the point where a lot of my curiosities peeked on the topic. I think it is safe to say we all have someone from our past that we grew apart from, or just drifted away from for no specific reason; but doesn’t it seem odd that once you are so close to someone (significant other or even just a friend) that it just goes away? I often wonder if the feelings really ever go away or if people change emotionally or physically and that is what renders the change. What was once there is never really gone, is it?

I was only given a semester to come up with answers when I wish I would have had years to research. Overall, it was found that in the small population of people I polled, most look for a mate who is close in proximity (age and location), and people also tend to look for a mate with similar interests and lifestyles as their own.

I somewhat disagree with my own findings. In my opinion and experiences, opposites generally attract. I strongly believe that the best relationships are the ones that balance each other. If one person is more boisterous and outgoing, they tend to pair well with someone who is a little more reserved. What one person lacks the other makes up for. I am not saying that a person who grew up on the streets smoking dope and running from the police would pair well with the valedictorian of Yale, but the little differences in a relationship keep things interesting.

I am not an expert by any means, and I’ve only been married for 6 years, but just drawing off personal experiences from the past and present, it is hard to make it work with someone who is too different or too much alike. Chances are, you will not see eye to eye on most things if you are too different (like the personal example I gave in the beginning) and if you are just alike, the relationship gets boring real fast and one or the other may loose interest. So, what do you do? Try your best to find a happy medium.

When you do find what you think is that happy medium, what makes it last? What keeps you wanting to lie in bed next to the same person every night and wake up to their nasty morning breath the next day? More than anything it is about balance. Your spouse is very much a part of your life, but they don’t need to be your entire life. When I was first married, you couldn’t get us apart. I hated to spend even one night away from him and I would avoid doing so at all costs. I realized years later that it is essential. Everyone needs a little brake. But again, it is about balance. If you are lucky enough to spend a great deal of time together, remember to take time for yourself, have weekend get a ways with friends, and just live life for yourself every now and again. On the flip side of that, if your schedules don’t allow you to spend an ample amount of time together, make time. If your husband is working until 11pm at night, stay up that extra hour until he gets home to talk about your day and listen to how his day was; make a point to catch up with each other everyday. Too much of something is never good, but sometimes lacking that specific something can be even worse. If effort isn’t there by both people in the marriage/relationship, it will suffer-point blank. Balance is key.

If you’ve been blessed enough to find love, how do you keep that fire burning past infatuation? What is a surefire way to keep love alive like you are newlyweds? The simple answer is, you can’t. You can’t keep the fire burning for 30 years straight; you can’t wake up every morning looking at the one you married feeling warm and fuzzy inside. There are going to be days you dislike each other, days that you need time apart, and days that you will wonder how you will get through it all. You can’t keep a fire burning for eternity literally or metaphorically, but you sure can rekindle that flame every now and again. Every couple can benefit from a little reminder of how things “used to be” and find ways to bring back feelings from the first couple dates. Marriages take work, but when you find the balance and have devotion to one another, it’s amazing how easily things tend to fall into place, and after awhile, you learn to love their nasty morning breath.

Until we meet again.

S.A.D.

So, I am no psychologist by any means (although one day long ago I aspired to be one and even received my bachelors in psychology) I can't help but think I am suffering a little from the symptoms of S.A.D. (Seasonal affective disorder). This winter has literally been sucking the life out of me!

I think it is a safe assumption that most of Minnesota can relate to these feelings, but this winter paired with the longevity of last winter make me want to pack up my bags and head as far south as possible. I have even gone so far as to legitimately calculate living expenses and other factors that would be involved if we were to pick up everything and hit the road. It seems like it would be a lot of change all at once, but I can't think of anything better to happen in life right now. Although, I still have some fine tuning left to do, I would love to start my own photography business and have my focus be beach photography. Doing all my photo shoots on the beach next to the ocean everyday...sounds like a dream.

Speaking of photography, I've been doing a few more shoots lately. A few weeks back I did another wedding too. It was so much fun! I've been reading a lot about how to improve and different techniques to try, and there is a blog that proposed the idea of doing a "project 365." It's basically taking at least one photo each day for a year and creating a photo journal. Being realistic, I absolutely do not have the time for something like that, so the shorter alternative is a different idea I read about called "a day in the life." It's basically an exercise to gain different perspective on your day to day activities and capture little moments in a unique way. I did my first one on a work day, and plan to do my next on a Saturday or Sunday. Here is a little snippet from my first "a day in the life." **Note, I did not lug around my professional camera all day to do this, so this is my awesome iPhone version.** 

Waking up my sleeping beauty.

I start my day jammin' to Miranda Monday-Friday.

Mounds of paper accumulations. 

Lunch at my fav.

 Arctic sunset.  

A fun shot- this is where we spend most of our quality time together during the week.

Ending the day with a "hiiiyyyaaa!"


Until we meet again.

Twinsies

Time is going by so fast. It seriously feels like we just brought this little girl home, and now we are looking at schools for Kindergarten in the fall. Instead of being sad about it, I've decided to embrace it. This way, it will help her transition better if she is seeing me excited about it instead of crying a river because my little baby is growing up!

We went to the open house for Maternity of Mary/St. Andrew. I got such a great vibe from the staff there. The woman who is the kindergarten teacher there seemed like a saint. So patient and from what I could tell, very kind-hearted.

On Friday night we went out to Twinsfest. Now, if you reference my blog post regarding Twinfest last year, Sadie and I were pretty disappointed. We had made a shirt for Sadie to wear that had Kent Hrbek's last name on it with his number and on the front it said, "your #1 fan." We got there, and stood in line only to find out that he was sick and wasn't coming. So this year we were determined to have the chance to meet him. I have met him a few different times, but Sadie hasn't. She knows that he's my fave though. And bonus, the shirt we made for her last year still fit this year!

We got to Target Field around 4pm and Hrbek wasn't going to be signing autographs until 5:30pm, so we decided to walk around for a little while. Around 5pm we got in line and waited, and waited and waited some more. He was signing autographs with Tony Oliva, Terry Steinbach and Jack Morris. After about 45 minutes of waiting in line with an impatient 4 year old who wanted to go play the games, we were told that they were going to cut the line and we would not make it in. Great. Another year of missing out. So we got out of line and wondered up by the door where they all were signing the autographs. I told Sadie that we weren't going to be able to meet them this time around, but just wanted her to see them in person. BUT THEN just before 6:30pm when they were supposed to stop signing, the guy on the other end of the door started bellowing down the hallway, "anyone else for Oliva and Hrbek?" So of course we go running over there and reluctantly the guy lets us in! Long story short, Kent Hrbek loved Sadie's shirt. He actually signed her baseball card and her shirt for her, so that was an awesome souvenir for her. Tony Oliva brought Sadie around the table and let me take a picture of him giving her a huge bear hug. He is too sweet! It really was an awesome night. I think she is going to grow up to love baseball just as much as her mommy. :)

Terry Steinbach

Jack Morris

Hrbek signing Sadie's shirt.

So bummed that she was in the middle of blinking and that Jack Morris is trying to photo bomb!

Tony Oliva, what a sweet man.

Sadie with Phil Hughes...yeah, he was a Yankee, but I will look past that ;)

Playing bean bag toss with Phil Hughes.

Until we meet again.

Overdosed.

It's been two weeks exactly since I have had an ounce of coffee, or just caffeine in general. Although, I do think Caribou snuck some in my sparkling water the other day, we won't count that. I have to say I didn't think I could do it. I am not planning to give it up forever, but just going on a little hiatus for a while.

Last weekend I did a little research and found that technically an individual could "overdose" on caffeine at 250mg or more. I looked back on how much coffee I actually took in within a day's time frame and I think it's a very good possibility I was "overdosing." Not to the point where I should check in to the Betty Ford Clinic or anything, but it wasn't good. I suppose it could be a good explanation for my headaches EVERYDAY among other side effects. Needless to say, it's been a good break and I've been sleeping a lot better.

This past weekend was pretty great. I have to say, I am pretty impressed with my husband. He has taken the time to learn how to help me out in my studio via Youtube research. He took it upon himself to familiarize himself with light meters, and other lighting techniques. It really helped in my shoot on Sunday because I can honestly say it was my best one yet. I am so unbelievably excited about this opportunity, and can't wait to take the business to the next level. Especially if he is going to start taking an interest in it as well.

Last week, was kind of a rough one on the home-front. Sadie has always been a pretty good sleeper for the most part, but last Wednesday she woke up literally screaming about an hour after we put her to bed. I rushed in there to try and figure out what was going on, but realized that she was dreaming and tried to get her back to sleep. I walked out of her room for the second time and then not even 5 minutes later she started crying out again. I thought it might be a good idea to wake her up out of it so she could get it out of her head, worst. idea. ever.

She started trembling, just shaking so hard, and just wasn't acting like herself. She could barely talk to me and it was like she was having some type of reaction to something. Of course I start to freak out. She just kept saying, "mommy, something doesn't feel right. I don't know what is happening!" So hearing that out of her mouth kind of sent me into full on panic mode wondering what in God's name is going on. I sat with her for a few moments and tried to calm her, but it just seemed like nothing was working, and she couldn't be soothed. I was on the verge of taking her in to the ER. After about 20 minutes, she finally calmed.

The next morning I found out that she was dreaming about Anthony dying. She said that she "saw it in his eyes that daddy was dying." Then apparently, I came in to save him. So, ever since this nightmare, we have been having a heck of a time trying to get her to sleep. Each night it seems to get a little better, but it just bothers me that she had such an awful, vivd dream that would scare her to that extent. That's parenthood though, taking all the little phases one day at a time.

Until we meet again.

Not resolutions, but ambitions.

With the start of 2014, I decided to hit the ground running. I had a lot of ambition for last year, but in all honesty I feel the year was gone within a blink of an eye.

So, with the new year comes new ambition. 

I have such a passion for photography, that I really want to pursue it more. I want to be great and learn to edit beautiful photographs. There are some days where I feel as though I wasted a TON of money on student loans when all I ever really wanted to do was put in my amateur application in to KARE 11 News and say "hire me! I promise I'll be the best photojournalist you've ever seen!" 

Secondly, this is going to be a year I see more. Whether it be metaphorically, spiritually, or in physical form. There is so much of this world I haven't seen, and it's time. I don't necessarily feel the need to jump the next plane to Guam, but I think you catch my drift. Life is too short to not live it to the fullest.

In a continuation of the second statement, "life is too short to not live it to the fullest" I want to be able to feel like I can live it to the fullest. So, my third ambition this year is to let go. Let go of the things that keep me from living life to the fullest. It seems easier said than done, but just. let. go.

So there you go. My plan for 2014 in a nutshell. I hope to look back on this blog next year at this time and find that I was successful and that I gave it my best effort. We shall see. 

Two other fine ideas that I have had for this year...well, I guess they are not my ideas per say, but this is what I'm doing:

Until we meet again.